you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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