I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am naked and annoyed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
