call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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