My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
