I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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