Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
