I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
