just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
