you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
