I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
