Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
