Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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