i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
