I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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