I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
