Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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