Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
