I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize