I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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