My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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