I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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