Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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