just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
