Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
