nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
