Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
