$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
