so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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