So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
