do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
