Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
