it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
