matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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