Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
