just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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