No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i drank out of a bidet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
