dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
