You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
