my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i think i just lost a toe
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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