Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
