I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
