I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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