I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
