Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
