I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
