you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
