Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
high people should be assigned attendants
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
