My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize