What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
