I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
