How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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