I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
