My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
