Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
