Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
