Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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