Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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