I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
