There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
