I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
