when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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