which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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