how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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