Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
