i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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