So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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