I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
