he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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