I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Alive.
So much puke
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
