my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
