Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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