I'm so fucking centered right now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
