ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
