I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
