Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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